I’m sure you noticed that when someone says don’t do something, you immediately feel like you must do it. This is normal. However, if you want to effectively change a behavior you must change your language.

During this virus outbreak, there is no shortage of information about how to protect yourself and others from it. It’s to make sure that you keep it from spreading. Several times an hour, the news reminds us to cover our coughs, wash our hands often, and stay at home as much as possible.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard “don’t touch your eyes, nose or mouth.” Unfortunately, I’ve learned through a lot of psychology articles that trying to change a behavior by saying “don’t” makes changing the behavior much more difficult. Let me explain.

When you say, “don’t do something,” the brain automatically imagines doing the forbidden activity, then it says to itself, “don’t do it.” Rather than stopping a behavior, telling people don’t do something makes it easier for them to do what they’re not supposed to do.

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) is an area of research focusing on how to more effectively change the way people think by using language. In their research, they discovered that using “don’t” when communicating unwanted behaviors doesn’t work very well. Often the person accidentally carries out the behavior because they have to imagine themselves doing it to remember not to do it.

Instead of using the word “don’t”, it’s more effective to use terms that tell people to do something than telling them not to do something. For example, rather than saying “don’t eat too much”, a more constructive and behavior changing phrase would be to say, “eat more vegetables”. In this example, the person doesn’t have to imagine doing the wrong behavior to do something else.

My advice is that when you want to change, rephrase “don’t” language to saying what you should be doing instead. A more effective way to teach healthy behaviors would be to say, “keep your hands below your shoulders”.

How we say things affects us. Avoid “don’t” when giving instructions. Rather, tell them what they should be doing.

Be safe.